the twenty hour rule

At the end of last summer, Barbara and I considered the pro’s and con’s of each of us continuing our education. Barb wanted to go back to school. I wanted to become certified as an EMT. Barb would go to school two days a week plus time for homework. I would take classes two nights a week plus time for clinicals. We didn’t know how difficult the next six months would be on us.

We had been following the rule of 20. It takes 20 hours per week of alone time for a couple to maintain the feeling of being in love. For four years, we worked diligently to maintain that time. Much effort goes into maintaining an in-love relationship. It is something I cherish. Being in love with Barbara is pure joy for me.

We both acknowledged that going back to school would end the 20 hour rule. Was that a bad thing? We discussed the fact that many couples love each other deeply in a warm, comfortable way. In fact, we didn’t know of any other couple that claimed to maintain the in-love feeling.

So, we agreed that we would drop the 20 hour rule so we could go back to school. Six months later, we want our 20 hours back.

Not much about my life changed in the last six months. Instead of calling basketball games for Eagle 97, I went to class. My play time with friends stayed the same. Pastoring was the same. The time with the kids about the same. The only difference was the time we missed during my lunch hour, and the hours between coming home from work and the evening activity. Essentially, the twenty hours.

But, in those six months we found ourselves growing apart. Barb was angry that I spent more time with friends than with her. I complained that she sacrificed my love to go to school. We got angry and spent what time we had arguing about why we didn’t have more time. The tension was something others noticed, too.
A lot can change in six months.

Today, I finished the EMT course. Barb drove down and back. Precious alone time. Time that allowed me to remember why I love her. She isn’t at all like me. She doesn’t understand me. That’s part of why I am head-over-heels in love with her. She completes me. She compliments me. She allows me to be me without really understanding what that means. Frankly, I don’t get her, either. But it is fun to explore who she is.

She likes to cuddle. I like to run. She likes soft rock. I like to rock. She enjoys the hot-tub. I enjoy the frozen lake. She wants to gaze into the heavens. I want to jump from them.

We don’t have to be like each other. The differences give us something to share and to talk about.

So, she decided to go to school online. I’m not going to take another course for awhile. Some couples may enjoy being comfortably warm and loving. 20 hours is a big investment in time. But, love is an expensive drug, and I’m addicted to Barbara.